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April 10, 2005

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Bitch PhD really is trying to take over the entire blogosphere.

Too bad we can't use sentence 3:

Bitch PhD is everywhere in everyday life, and we see her constantly, often without realizing that we are doing so.

We are Locutas of Borg.

For many millennia, man has tried to create ways to measure time.

We think! We're not really sure! Let us get back to you!

Damn it, we got rid of causuality, but then everything started happening at once.

ash
['HEP! HEP! I'm drowning!']

subtitle: not just for the humanities any more

That's right, friends! Porn is not just for the humanities anymore! Tired of having to get your nipples and dicks via tired, neurotic academics? Well come on down and see the latest invention! PORN-O-MATIC! That's right! PORN-O-MATIC! It slices it dices! It creams your jeans!

Look! YOU can see people having actual intercourse at the lowest possible cost! Ever heard of a facial? Now you can SEE a facial! Wondered what it was like when the man stuck his 'penis' into the the female reproductive organ? Tired of reading vague Victorian descriptions of 'her sex' and 'his sex'? Well now you can actually see a man insert his penis in a woman's vagina! What a breakthorugh!

No wading through a hundred pages of witty descriptions of people getting around to doing it! Now you can skip that shit and SEE IT LIVE!

Only 19.95$ is you call NOW NOW NOW!

ash
['Comes free with this Find the WMD's: the home game! This bonus package is worth 19.95$ by itself! But now, you get it FREE FREE FREE! Call now! Operators are standing by!']

UN-altered REPRODUCTION and DISSEMINATION of this IMPORTANT Information is ENCOURAGED, ESPECIALLY to COMPUTER BULLETIN BOARDS.

Say...why do you want the UN to alter your contest? Amoungst secret BBS'es and stuff?

Are you one of those black helicopter people?

ash
['You're going to EAT MY BRAIN, aren't you????']

Gee, am I the first announced entrant? Trackback's not giving me love—here's my essay, and here's my post introducing it. How's that for overkill?

BTW, I'd encourage people to go for verisimilitude with this, rather than the cheap bad-writing laugh. My ideal target is the inadequate-but-honorable C essay: an effort to reproduce the texture of half understanding, missed connections, and word-count sweat that constitutes the real pathos of the middling.

Here is my contest entry

http://plambeck.org/archives/2005_04.html#000936

Sweet.

I gotta have a "first sentences" contest. I am staing at a paper that begins:

"The word superimpose means to place one image on top of another so that the second image can be seen over the first one."

Argh.

My entry, fuckhead.

And mine.

Anti-anti-Kamala has some hostility issues, hmmm?

I find it charming, like the 11-year-old who just learned how to cuss and thinks it makes him appear sophisticated and worldly.

Wait, cussing doesn't make you sophisticated and worldly?

Shit.

I have PARTICIPATED in this

Made it! My submission:

http://creatingtext.blogspot.com/2005/04/waste-essay.html

Phi. The Golden Number. For centuries the concept of this figure has baffled and intrigued the mind of man. It is unknown exactly when this great mystery was discovered and applied by man, nor is the extent of its usefulness known. If its usefulness becomes known, man will not be baffled by it any longer. Man was baffled by it many centuries ago, and many are still baffled by it. It is very baffling. It is also very intriguing, because it is baffling. It intrigues the mind of man, which is also baffled by it at the same time. How can the mind of man be intrigued and baffled at the same time? This is a very difficult question. But that is why phi is such a great mystery.

The mysterious concept phi is mysterious because man does not understand it very well. When man started not understanding it very well is not known. That is a mystery also, because it is very mathematical. Mathematics is not easy instead it is very mysterious and no matter what you think you know there is something else you do not know and what is more it usually turns out you did not know the thing you thought you knew. Why you did not know the thing you thought you knew is baffling too.

The figure of this concept of the nomber phi is intriguing also. It is intriguing because it is interesting that we do not understand. This is useful, although we do not know how useful, because it is useful to be intrigued because it gives you something to think about. It also gives you something to write about. Otherwise you would have nothing to think about or write about and then where would you be. You would not even have a mind because you would not have thoughts to think in your mind and then how could you know you did have a mind. Or that you did not have a mind. You can see why this is baffling.

Therefore I have shown why phi is useful and intriguing and baffles the mind of man. Although we do not know how useful it is, we can hope that its usefulness will be understood better and that the mind of man will have new things to be intrigued by also. I think it is very good that we have things to be interested in because this is what makes education so educational.

Hey, what the hell, c? That wasn't one of the approved sentences!

I have a toy LJ that cannot do fancy grown-up things like Trackback. I don't think. So here is a small entry because I found out about this an hour ago while catching up on Bitch PhD's blog.
Very nice contest idea. I wish I could do it justice.

Yes it was Ben, the first. Nobody can accuse me of doing the wrong assignment. And on time too.

here's one

It is an old adage that numbers do not lie, that within numbers lies the truth.
yet, however, if numbers lie within the truth and lie-ing is not telling the truth,
then numbers make the truth itself lie. Robert Langdon from the da vinci code tells us,
in the da vinci code, that phi is the number in everything, even shells and pine cones.
could phi be in the truth?

In my analysis of this phenomena, i hope to crack open the pine cone's shell of truth and
reveal its numerical pearl. To do this i shall draw upon the works of the masters of
auspicion, will Nietzsche, sigmund Freud and the great charles Darwin, who all claim to
know the truth about truth.

These three great philosophers may well have used numbers to learn this truth, although time is yet to
tell whether this is true. Certainly, there is truth in the adage that theres safety
in numbers. Like sometimes when i ride my bmx i look left then right then left then right,
which means i have looked left twice, and right twice, which means looking in two directions
twice. This is called being auspicious, and is usually timely. the question of time, however,
is a question for another time.

The truth, then, cannot be considered to be true without numbers, unless it is a truth
about something which numbers might disprove, like the bible, which the masters of suspition
were auspicious of. In my opinion, the bible can be about numbers if you want it to, but this
might not be the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but not the truth if you are swearing by
it.

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