All told there were ten [twelve now] entries. There should have been more, but someone (named dave zacuto) didn't enter in time.
The entries are:
- An untitled effort from green gabbro (actually written by googletalk)
- Und Zeit by ogged
- Time and Measurement Through History by a Michael
- An untitled effort by Thane Plambeck
- Essay this! by Anti-Anti Kamala
- Technology for the Modern Era by Bitch PhD
- An untitled effort by Adam Kotsko
- Yet another untitled essay by Anne
- No title here either by sundre
- This, too, lacks a title by the mysterious c. Note that this starts with a non-approved sentence. Bitch PhD suggests that this might merit extra credit, as an imitation of a student not following directions.
- A new entry! Here,by Dave.
- Here is another tardy entry, by jenniebee. She will be docked a full grade.
Vote in the comments. I was going to use one of those blogpoll-type polls for voting, but it fux0red up the style of the page something fierce. It's true that this way will require manual counting by me, but that will just make it easier to ensure that the one I want to win does.
Damn!
Posted by: dave zacuto | April 18, 2005 at 11:34 PM
I vote c.
Posted by: Iron Lungfish | April 19, 2005 at 12:59 AM
I vote for Adam Kotsko. It's the numbering that did it for me.
Posted by: Rahel | April 19, 2005 at 04:18 AM
Although I amuse myself greatly by creating an entry focused on literature rather than time, I think Adam's entry kicks butt.
Posted by: Anne | April 19, 2005 at 06:07 AM
I vote for Anne's essay.
Posted by: Sam | April 19, 2005 at 06:26 AM
I vote for Und Zeit, 'cause I've actually done the "fill your word count with poetry" bit...
Posted by: yami | April 19, 2005 at 08:27 AM
I vote for yami (green gabbro).
Posted by: des von bladet | April 19, 2005 at 09:12 AM
des von bladet, I am in love with you. Run off with me to Abroad and teach me to write like you.
Posted by: ben wolfson | April 19, 2005 at 09:19 AM
Obviously I vote for ME.
Posted by: bitchphd | April 19, 2005 at 09:34 AM
Ben, you missed an entry: http://blogs.confusticate.com/jenniebee/archives/002567.html
I know that it's late. And she left the trackback at my place instead of yours. But isn't it just like a student to NOT FOLLOW DIRECTIONS?
Throw it up there, c'mon.
Posted by: bitchphd | April 19, 2005 at 09:37 AM
Note that Michael's entry cheekily included a mention of using clocks to determine latitude and longitude. I'm splitting my vote between his and the mysterious Anti-Anti Kamala's entries.
Posted by: ben wolfson | April 19, 2005 at 09:44 AM
Kotsko's numbering does put him over the top...but jennibee's is also really terrible.
Posted by: JM | April 19, 2005 at 09:49 AM
Far be it from me to seek to influence the voting process in any way, but there are two ways to look at the numbering:
Most people seem to be ignoring the second possibility in citing the numbers as a good thing.
Posted by: ben wolfson | April 19, 2005 at 09:59 AM
I vote for anti-K-K, mainly on the strength of his/her inspired third paragraph.
Posted by: ogged | April 19, 2005 at 10:29 AM
Yes, I'm sorry, it's late. I just read about it on Bitch this am, which I know is no excuse, as I should have been attending class regularly, but whatcanyoudo?
Posted by: jenniebee | April 19, 2005 at 10:31 AM
I vote yami (green gabbro)...
Posted by: LDH | April 19, 2005 at 10:33 AM
Yes, I think that Kotsko's essay is WAY too organized for bad student writing. Although the numbering is not uncharacteristic of students who don't even understand what an essay is supposed to look like, and instead think they are supposed to be making a bulleted list.
Posted by: bitchphd | April 19, 2005 at 10:46 AM
I just sent my entry in. (on time, ironically) I doubt my entry mirrors anyone else's, but just in case, I hearby disclaim I have not yet read any other entries.
Posted by: Michael | April 19, 2005 at 11:54 AM
I vote for myself.
Apologia for the numbering: I was trying to write as someone who had completely internalized the five-paragraph essay format and could write nothing else. Actually, I probably should have just left out the numbering, so this is no longer an apologia.
Honorable mention to Anti-Anti-Kamala for "the meaning of pie."
Posted by: Adam Kotsko | April 19, 2005 at 12:01 PM
Do you have any response to the charge of sexism, Adam?
Posted by: ben wolfson | April 19, 2005 at 12:16 PM
How was I expected to see the words "either sentence two or four" when there were so many other words to look at and many of them were much more interesting words than "either sentence two or four." This is unfair I worked hard and you are just mean.
I vote Thane his essay really made me think.
Posted by: c | April 19, 2005 at 12:20 PM
My vote's for Anne: sheer literary brilliance.
Posted by: JL | April 19, 2005 at 12:48 PM
I vote for 3.
Posted by: Kathleen | April 19, 2005 at 12:57 PM
Can I change my vote to C? On the grounds that not only the essay, but C's entire self presentation, so perfectly communicates "Bad Student" that I am beginning to feel very, very afraid?
Posted by: bitchphd | April 19, 2005 at 12:58 PM
You can, bitch, you can.
Posted by: ben wolfson | April 19, 2005 at 01:08 PM
I vote Und Zeit.
For the sole reason that I am a philosophy major.
c comes in second, for the brilliance of her portrayal of a bad student.
Posted by: Frances | April 19, 2005 at 01:13 PM
You know, Frances, I think the following sentence, from Thane's entry, is very Heideggerian:
It just doesn't wear it on its sleeve.Posted by: ben wolfson | April 19, 2005 at 01:18 PM
I also vote for c, if only out of fear of receiving a bad evaluation at the end of the term.
Posted by: eb | April 19, 2005 at 01:53 PM
Damn all these late entries! I thought I had a chance to win this thing.
If no one votes for my essay, I think I should win. It's only *fair*. And no, I'm not voting for myself. I like dr. b's the best.
Is this vote thing counting toward my final grade?!??! If no one votes for me can I have an incomplete?
When is ben's course evaluation? I want to fill one out.
Posted by: Thane Plambeck | April 19, 2005 at 02:51 PM
I vote for Anne.
Posted by: Boudicca | April 19, 2005 at 02:52 PM
Thane, in the grand academic tradition, I'm going to say, "course evaluation for Ben! Great idea! Glad you suggested it! Why don't you write one up and we'll all fill it out?"
I am quickly learning that in academe, the best strategy is never to say *anything* needs changing, lest you get tapped to do it.
Posted by: bitchphd | April 19, 2005 at 03:24 PM
yeah well you see, i couldn't get mine in cuz of a bereavement over a very close family pet, who had eaten the said piece the very morning. I mean, well, the vet didn't say per se that it was my essay that stopped flossy's heart, but maybe it could have been, and so obviously its all been very traumatic... which is why mine's late.
I vote for und Zeit!
Posted by: amoebic | April 19, 2005 at 03:31 PM
Unfortunately, I have to swallow my bile and vote for Kotsko... if only for the reference to the "glug" as a hypothetical unit of measurement. That is just too perfect.
Posted by: Walter Sobchak | April 19, 2005 at 04:02 PM
Though tempted to vote for myself, I have to throw my support behind jenniebee. Late, but inspired.
Und Zeit and Bitch PhD tie at a close second, but I don't think you're counting those.
Posted by: Sundre | April 19, 2005 at 04:33 PM
I vote for Anne also. These are all wonderful, and so funny, but Anne's made me laugh the hardest (times).
Posted by: grandma blue | April 19, 2005 at 04:42 PM
Can lurkers vote?
If so, I vote for Dave. Anne made me laugh, and Bitch's was inspired, but Dave's leap from sundial to Casio was just too close to what my students do.
Luolin
ps. lack of parallelism in my sentence above is also reminiscent of my students.
Posted by: Luolin | April 19, 2005 at 07:35 PM
We're all lurkers here, man.
Posted by: ben wolfson | April 19, 2005 at 07:51 PM
It's so hard to choose....
But I have to give it to Amoebic. I was going to say Anne, but hers is just too intelligent. And amoebic isn't on the approved list, which is good.
Posted by: jenniebee | April 19, 2005 at 09:22 PM
Despite voting being closed, I was going to vote for anti-anti-Kamala. But I really like the phrase, "a vexed question," even if it was misused in the essay.
Michael would have gotten my vote, but he failed to misquote Ecclesiastes with Byrds lyrics.
As such, I vote for Kotsko.
Posted by: washerdreyer | April 19, 2005 at 09:58 PM
I choose to interpret washerdreyer's vote for Kotsko, above, as a vote for Anti-Anti-Kamala, since it was s/he, not Kotsko, that used the phrase "a vexed question".
Posted by: ben wolfson | April 20, 2005 at 06:19 AM
Also I'm changing my vote to be for Dave's.
Posted by: ben wolfson | April 20, 2005 at 07:46 AM
I vote for Dave's essay. The Chinese history was hilarious.
Posted by: sr | April 20, 2005 at 09:03 AM
That's a misinterpretation. When I say I like the phrase, I mean it made the essay better. Since being objectively better makes it worse for the purposes of this contest, he lost my vote.
Posted by: washerdreyer | April 20, 2005 at 09:38 AM
Off-topic is my favorite kind of "F" paper. Anne!!!
Ogged gets a close second.
Posted by: No Chaser | April 20, 2005 at 10:17 AM
Nevertheless, wd, it's my interpretation, and I'm counting the votes.
Posted by: ben wolfson | April 20, 2005 at 10:50 AM
Thanks, Ben.
sr- Some of that Chinese history isn't made up, incidently.
Posted by: dave zacuto | April 20, 2005 at 04:48 PM