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April 07, 2005


I would say... robo-monkey: not so cool. Too many moving parts necessary for a prehensile tail. That would require a lot of oil, or a lot of squeaking. Plus, you can buy a monkey for $4000. I'd like to see you get a robomonkey for that cheap. Now robocop? That's cool.

Im sorry man, although I think your premice is correct, I think you have failed to understand the sweetness of the ninja. The ninja is "sweet" to us because of what he represents symbolically, that is the supra-human, the almost total abnegation of weakness and error and emotion. A ninja's mind rules his body, he is the warrior monk, the embodiment of his purpose without human limitations of weakness or fear or compassion. In short, an ideal ninja, approaches that of the machine, a man that transcended the human, which is why we are fascinated with the "ninja". To a point the robot does the same, kill without weakeness and emotion, so a robot-ninja is then just a robot with high speed and flexibility, it makes little sense to use the "ninja" qualifier anymore. And so there is nothing impressive about a robot being a ninja, as the robot is already supra human. Which, is the reason why I agree with your origional proposition.

What about cyborg ninja? A ninja so dedicated to his craft and art that he sacrifices that which makes him human?

I think that's a vexed case, Chopper. The incredible dedication of the cyborg is surely sweet and to be admired, but I can't help but feel that the cyborg ninja, qua cyborg, is not sweet.

It's certainly a fruitful field of inquiry.

And a robot *pirate* monkey is the sweetest of all.

Nah, that's just gauche.

Alright, what about a ninja with just, like, a robot arm? With like a bit that shoots a grappling hook, and maybe has blades that pop out of the knuckles, and possibly, just possibly, a secret compartment where he keeps his cyanide capsules?

I submit that this is a thing of badassitude. And badassitude is surely a subset of sweetness.

I suggest that categories which as a holloween costumes would require you to explain the costume to every adult on the street are not sweet.


(1) Ninjas are sweet.
(2) Robots are sweet.
(3) Robot ninjas are not sweet.


(4) Superman is sweet.
(5) Batman is sweet.
(6) Green lantern is not sweet.

I learned (6) the hard way.

You do not get to diss my aim icon that way. Keep it up, and there will be strong language, ending in tears.

Sweetness is not derived from popular acceptance. Sweetness is derived from looking the hard cold reality of death right in the eye from behind a mask of black silk. With, possibly, robotic accoutrements.

And maybe a monkey.

And a robot *pirate* monkey is the sweetest of all.

No, robot monkey butler. In a little tuxedo. That's the sweet stuff.

Only if you're lazy.

I am very, very lazy.

Then your monkey can wait on you until either the monkeys form a union, or the revolution comes, whichever happens first.

Meantime, my monkey and I will be wandering the high seas, plundering.

What if you only find out that it's a robot at the end of the movie when its beloved betrays it and stabs into the black-clad belly, only to spill some variant of transaxle fluid all over the tatami?

p.s. Sweetnesse?

Yeah, it's mostly used in poetry. Wolfson, considering how many people he's corrected, couldn't really live down a spelling error in his post title. Unlike some people.

Well, it isn't the first time his predilection for obsolescence has gotten the better of him, I suppose.

joe o, #4 is empirically false, thus invalidating your premise.

Apostropher, I have to say a robot monkey butler would creep me out. Actually, a robot monkey in any capacity would creep me out. I would forever be on edge waiting for his LED eyes to turn red and for him to fling his poo-grenade at me. No, I want a real monkey butler, and will accept no substitutes.

re "sweetnesse": I've started reading The Faerie Queene.

I've started reading The Faerie Queene.

Nice euphemism, BW. Much more refined than "I've been hanging out at The Mineshaft."

Mine is a transgressive reading.

The Fairie Queene is a good thing to read.

"He in great passion all this while did dwell,
 More busying his quicke eyes, her face to view,
 Then his dull eares, to heare what she did tell"—who among us can't relate to that?

Those reading The Fairie Queene in braille, perhaps.

I might as well just stop talking to you, Ben.


I'd much rather have a robot monkey scat grenade thrown at me than a real monkey turd. I mean, think of the mess that would make. Ergo, no real monkey butler. A real monkey panhandler helper though? I'm in.


A robot monkey pirate? That's kinda what I envisioned the monkey in Pirates of the Carribean as when he was a skeleton. Kinda freaky. I like that.

Are you blogging at work?

Of course not!

Your exclamation point finger twitches when you lie.


My simian butler will be trained to only fling feculence at ill-favored guests.

It will also be a trained bartender.

The skeletal pirate monkey in PoC!!! Yes, loved that. Of course.

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