As any miller or other experienced outdoorsman such as myself can tell you, if you feel an incipient blister, the thing to do is put on the affected footal area a patch of moleskin. Then, when you walk, the slipperiness of the patch will reduce abrasion between the bottom of your foot and the top of the bottom of your shoe. But what if you weren't wearing any shoes, or socks? Then there would be less friction between that part of your foot and the ground. You wouldn't be in danger of slipping, of course, because of the traction the rest of your foot provides. But it would be as if that part of your foot weren't in contact with the ground at all.
I'm sure you see where I'm going here.
Simply cover all of both your feet with moleskin. Balance will be hard to maintain, of course—you'll probably pitch forward or find yourself doing the splits frequently—but I'm sure that with practice and extremely tense legs you'd be able to stand up straight, and maybe even move (being sure to keep your soles perfectly parallel with the ground) in a sort of cross-country ski motion. Maybe swimming with your arms.
Incidentally I've come up with a premise for the next faux-sociological column David Brooks writes. I noticed on my drive that some states allow you to go a maximum of 75mph on the interstate, while others cap the speed at 70mph.
You're vastly under-(over-?)estimating the frictional coefficient of moleskin.
Posted by: dave zacuto | September 07, 2005 at 11:16 AM
They really accepted you at Stanford, huh?
Posted by: Michael | September 07, 2005 at 11:42 PM
The real problem with moleskin, of course, is trapping and peeling the mole, especially when you already have blisters. They're fast little devils.
Posted by: LizardBreath | September 08, 2005 at 07:15 AM
I have notified PETA about your comment.
Posted by: Michael | September 08, 2005 at 03:01 PM
They really admitted me. It remains to be seen whether or not they'll accept me, as I truly am.
Posted by: ben wolfson | September 08, 2005 at 05:51 PM
I bet buttered moleskin levitates even better. You would want to don a buttered moleskin body stocking, to keep your whole self a-hovering, and avoid dangling from the sky by your ankles. Coincidentally, thus garbed you are suitable for roasting.
Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | September 10, 2005 at 01:49 PM